What have I become?

suit

We all have a closet of jackets somewhere.

Each jacket is a representation of an identity you once wore. Fickle people have larger closets while grounded and square people have much tinier ones. There are also those of us with deep closets with pieces that are hard to reach, or buried.

The style of each jacket can range from the ridiculously flamboyant to the utterly dull for almost anyone. There are some you once wore with absolute swagger when you were a teen but would rather be clocked with a shotgun in the head than be caught wearing them today. There are some that used to fit you comfortably but these days they feel like they are trying to choke every breath out of you. Some have become too small for you, while others have become too large for your shrinking frame.

‘Musician’ is a one I’ve retired recently. It’s not hung deep, but I’ve shuffled it to the corner behind the closed door. It’s never been one I’ve worn comfortably anyway but a lot of people seem to like me in it so I used to wear it, somewhat begrudgingly. I’ve been slowly realizing that perhaps there are other ones that fit me a lot better. I still wear the ‘Writer’ one occasionally. It’s a little aged but it still fits and I’m comfortable enough in it. ‘Married’ is a brand new one that I would be adding into the closet this year. It’s one that I have perhaps been expecting to own for some time now but has always eluded me. The price, cut and fit have never really aligned, until now. Tomorrow, I retire the ’30s’ one. That ragged and torn one I’ve been wearing for exactly a decade¬†now, and with it, goes supposedly any lingering shred of youth. Yet, I’ve never felt more alive.

I am expecting my closet to shrink dramatically in the coming¬†years. There are those that would say nay, because it doesn’t have to be so. That’s true, but stability has never been something I had the pleasure of enjoying for a long time in my existence. I am going to enjoy kicking back a little and working with as little identities as possible for a while, to try and make the few I have stronger than any one’s I’ve had before.

Advertisements